Changes to behavior may require certain therapy, but only to supplement and reinforce parental guidance, modeling and reinforcement. 

 

Reinforcement affects behavior, including “good” and “bad” behavior.  One must be careful to avoid reinforcing unwanted behavior, which is easy to do with a child who is misbehaving, leading parents to desperately want to stop the behavior via any means.  I most commonly see parents quickly coming to their child’s “rescue” anytime the child cries, makes demands, or seeks their attention through many ways.  Parents are wired to be nurturing, but we must also guide and shape responsible behavior. 

 

The following is a basic guide for parents to consider when reinforcing behavior. 

 

Positive Reinforcement: Rewarding behavior by providing something pleasurable, which increases the likelihood that behavior will continue.  Negative Reinforcement: Rewarding behavior by removing something which the person finds displeasing, increasing the likelihood that behavior will continue in attempts to avoid the undesirable task.  Negative reinforcement feels good to the person who receives it, because they avoided something they didn’t want, often via inappropriate or unwanted behavior. 

 

Both positive and negative reinforcement can increase good and bad behavior.  If a parent quickly gives in to a child’s demands, any bad behavior associated with those demands will be reinforced, leading to an increased likelihood that poor behavior will continue.  Giving something favorable (such as attention or providing something desired), or removing something displeasing (homework, an assignment, chores, tasking, and even Occupational Therapy), will increase the likelihood of continued behavior.  If one provides positive reinforcement for desired behavior, we’re on the right track to reinforcing positive changes.  But, if one provides reinforcement by removing something a child views as "negative" in response to bad behavior (such as crying, screaming, demanding), the negative behavior will only increase, leading to a change of behavior in the wrong direction. 

 

Although parents hate to hear children scream, cry, or make a fuss, that parental discomfort will pale in comparison to the future discomfort of reinforced bad behavior, which will only get worse with age and become more of an unbreakable pattern of behavior.  Parents must embrace the discomfort of allowing their children to be uncomfortable, especially when a child attempts to get his way through negative reinforcement, which allows them to skip out on undesirable taskings as a reward for poor behavior.  As Caroline Fleck notes in her book Validation, “Growth is always achieved through reinforcing progress and withholding the reinforcements driving problematic behavior.”  Dr. Fleck notes it is important to validate a child’s emotions, while creating consequences for problematic behavior.  One must often be kind at times one wants to be nice, recognizing kind behavior comes with "tough love" and direct feedback to help people succeed. 

 

Seek out the “small wins,” as opportunities to reinforce even the smallest changes.  Did they make a mistake, but tried hard? Recognize that effort.  Reinforce incremental progress towards desired behavior.  Did they quickly recover from a negative outburst?  Praise them for recognizing the need to reset and shift their behavior.  With practice, parents can become quick to recognize areas for positive reinforcement, even for the smallest of wins.